Jasmine J. / Don't expect us to act like "normal" kids
Jasmine entered foster care twice, once at 11 and again at 14. She was most anxious about not knowing where she was going to go and was afraid of being separated from her siblings.
One of the greatest challenges Jasmine faced was trying to heal from her past trauma while experiencing a different kind of trauma from her foster mom. She has PTSD and ADHD that was undiagnosed while in foster care. She experienced a lot of things her brain wasn’t able to process. In therapy, she did not talk about her past.
Her foster mom would constantly talk down on Jasmine’s intelligence and her friends and family. Her mom expected her to act like a “normal” teenager. She would make Jasmine feel small and belittled her learning disability, instead calling her stupid and lazy. Jasmine eventually began having panic attacks because she did not want to go “home”. She was eventually kicked out of that home, and it was the best thing that happened to her. Jasmine has grown so much since!
Foster kids are not like “normal” kids. Foster kids live in constant fear and instability. Many don’t know where their siblings are. Regular kids leave for doctors appointments while foster kids leave for court. Regular kids get one-on-one time with their parents while foster kids have to have a stranger in their room supervising their interactions.
When she used to get angry about her situation, she would tell herself, “You cannot change people’s actions, you can only change how you react to their actions”, and “Your condition is not your conclusion”.
There are many tings her foster parents could have done to help her while in their home. She thinks that foster parents need to consider many things before parenting:
“Ask yourself why you want to be a parent. It should be deeper than “I want to help kids in need.”
Ask your partner how they feel about fostering. They should be passionate about it too.
If you are against therapy, don’t even consider parenting.
You need to be ready to accept this child no matter what they look like or identify as.
Do your research!
Find organizations and take advice from other foster youth about what it is like.
Please be PATIENT!
The kids you take in have lived a long life for being so young.
Don’t get mad at us for having triggers or meltdowns over things that may seem small to you.
A lot of us have learned behaviors that help us survive. These habits may take a long time to break.
Many of us have put up a wall because of abuse and abandonment.
Don’t expect us to function like “normal” kids!
Some may have undiagnosed disabilities.
Talk TO them, not AT them.
Don’t talk negatively about their friends or family.
It is not your place to try to convince the youth to stay with you if they are going through the reunification process.”
Socially, Jasmine would get told that she “didn’t look like a foster kid.” She often isolated herself from peers because she felt they weren’t helping her grow. They would be worried about boys while she would be worried about getting kicked out of her “home.”
When emancipating, Jasmine wishes that her social worker would have had a clearer understanding of her resources. She would have saved money and gotten access to things she needed. She hopes that requirements for becoming a foster parent will be changed.
She is grateful to say that she does think that ultimately, her foster care experience forced her to be a better student and care about grades. She realized her intelligence and is now at a 4 year university and is excelling! She recognizes how imposter phenomenon has impacted her, but is proud of the determination she has put in towards her future. She is changing the statistic against foster youth!
She says that, “if you are struggling in school, please ask for help. Don’t let the foster youth statistics or anyone else tell you that you can’t be successful. They don’t know your whole story. You still being here is a huge accomplishment. The fact that you are still trying to make a future for yourself shows how much power you hold. We can be in control.”
The general public can:
Look into becoming a mentor/CASA volunteer.
Donate to programs doing good tings!
Educate yourself about foster youth.
Help crush the stigma around foster youth.
Jasmine’s CASA mentor was her source of stable support. She advocated for Jasmine in court, answered late night phone calls, was a shoulder for her to cry on, was there to celebrate accomplishments, and motivated her through failures. She is someone Jasmine calls family.
She is currently completing a fellowship with Stepping Forward LA where they have created an app for foster youth to network, seek out resources, and find basic support. In 5 years, she sees herself graduating with a masters degree and becoming a therapist.
To those in the system now: “Don’t give up. It’s easy to get stuck in your head and feel like nothing will get better, but that isn’t true. We did not make it this far for no reason. Everyone’s purpose is to try their best. Opportunity will come, even when a door closes.”