Elijah R. / “Use your past experiences as not a setback, but as motivation…”
For Elijah, aging out of foster care meant learning some difficult lessons along the way. Looking back, he knows what he was missing: “more support through long-lasting connections and relationships.” Without that steady footing, he often had to figure things out on his own. “I had to go through a lot of hard lessons and a lot of things that I could’ve avoided,” he says.
People came and went throughout Elijah’s time in foster care, and when he moved out of a group home, many of those relationships faded too. Still, he remembers the impact they had on him. Staff and friends taught him how to navigate life, handle difficult situations, and work through problems, which are lessons he still carries with him today.
“Personally, for me, I learned a lot of stuff from different people telling me how to navigate life, how to handle certain struggles and problems,” he says. “Even to this day, I still remember a lot of the things my group staff said, as well as my friends.”
Those experiences also shaped what Elijah believes could be different for young people still in foster care. He remembers that some of the group homes he lived in were wonderful, while others lacked empathy and even basic care. What he wishes for most is a greater sense of belonging. “I would like to see that some group homes have more of a sense of belonging, sense of community in a home, treated more like a house instead of a facility,” he says.
But Elijah doesn’t let those experiences in the foster care system define his story. He’s choosing to keep moving forward, carrying the lessons he’s learned with him along the way.
Today, Elijah is focused on building a future that feels like his own. He’s working toward his EMT license while pursuing an associate’s degree in psychology. These two paths allow him to turn what he’s been through into something that can help others:
“I’m finally taking initiative in my own life, developing my career as an EMT, as well as psychology, also learning from my past experiences to do better and become a better version [of myself].”
He’s also becoming more involved in his church community and thinking about how he can use what he’s learned to support other young people coming up through the system. In many ways, he wants to be for them what he once needed for himself: someone who shows up.
Elijah’s grateful for the support he did receive through the foster care system, especially the things that helped him find stability and navigate life on his own. He shares that “the foster [care] system really helped me with housing, with the skills and knowledge to navigate day-to-day challenges in this life, as well as resources that I never would've found without [support].”
But when Elijah talks about what carried him through the hardest moments, he points to something even deeper: his faith. “My faith in Jesus is one of the main reasons why I got through a lot of the stuff that I went through.” It’s something he doesn’t take for granted and is deeply grateful for.
Elijah is also quick to recognize the people and organizations that showed up for him along the way. He remembers nonprofits, churches, and other community resources providing everything from holiday gifts and Thanksgiving baskets to food, support, and a sense of community. But he believes there’s still a gap in understanding what young people in foster care are going through.
“I just feel like a lot of people don't know the struggles or the position that the foster [youth] are in or dealing with.” To better help foster youth, Elijah encourages people to “put themselves in our shoes to see how we have to navigate the world and how we see the world.”
Five years from now, Elijah hopes to have his EMT license, finish his degree, and have a place of his own—living independently and no longer relying on programs like the Transitional Housing Program-Plus (THP+). He shares, "I want to be independent, as well as getting my own car, and just getting into a better career/faith-center[ed] position in my life.”
And if there’s one thing Elijah wants young people still in the system to know, it’s this:
“It's rough in the foster care system…there will be many challenges [and] obstacles, but at the end of the day…you gotta make that decision to push through to use your past experiences as not a setback, but as motivation [and] as resilience to get to where you wanna become, and to also help other people that are in the same position as you were. Don't give up. Don't lose hope, because…this isn't forever. It's temporary, and you're not gonna be in this situation forever. I believe in you, and so does everyone else, but you also gotta believe in yourself. That's where it all starts.”
Elijah’s been through a lot, but he’s not letting those experiences decide what comes next. He’s moving forward, one step at a time, and he’s just getting started.
Like Elijah, you can use your voice to tell your story and help others understand the foster care experience. Share your story here.
