Dairius K. / We all have the ability to grow

Dairius sought out basketball in his early childhood and through high school as a way to help him cope with his situation. He also started cooking early on, and this has stayed with him to this day. He loves to be in the kitchen making good food that brings everyone together, puts smiles on their faces, and satisfies their bellies. Lastly, one of the biggest supporting factors in his life was therapy, which helped him face adversity head on. Dairius is still friends with his therapist and has known him for nearly 20 years.

Dairius lived in 5 different homes. He says that it would have been helpful for his foster parents to provide encouragement to help him face and overcome the trauma and pain he has endured. He wishes they had a better understanding that he was going through a hard time and that the outbursts were not because he was a naughty kid or ungrateful, but because he was seeking comfort and trying to find ways to express his feelings.

One of the homes he was placed in tried to mold him to become the “perfect gold child,” forcing him to give up his own hobbies like basketball and specifying what type of friends he was allowed to have. This damaged his identity at such a young age. Instead, foster parents should be supportive, caring, and not in it just for the money. Foster parents should also be monitored and educated extensively throughout. Additionally, foster youth should have access to mentors. Foster youth can learn through education not just in the traditional sense, but through job training, vocational school, culinary school, traveling the world, etc. There are opportunities beyond the “rat race” of graduating school, going to college, getting a good job, and retiring at 65.

There were some dark days in his life when he was in 5th grade and some decisions even led him to attempt to take his own life. Coming out on the other side of this was a big takeaway for him:

“Your life is precious and is a beautiful gift. You are the only one that can set the limits on what you want to achieve in life. Don’t let anyone else determine what you are capable of doing. As painful as the trauma and adversity you had faced in the past was, you can learn to accept the past for what happened and understand that we can’t change it. But what we can change is how we react to and view it, and in doing so, we can turn it into a positive point for growth for us and for others.”

As a result of these dark days, he dedicated his life to his older brother who was born paralyzed from a rare brain disease and was not capable of walking and was fed through a tube. He realized he could perservere.

The most anxiety-inducing part about being placed in foster care was the unknown: people, circumstances, and timelines. For example, knowing how long he was going to be in a home for or having court preparations, forcing him to share testimonies of the emotional, physical, and sexual abuse he suffered from 2 to 6 years old. Dealing with the mental trauma and anxiety of constantly moving was detrimental to his academic environment at such a young age.

Despite these hardships, Dairius graduated high school as valedictorian and attended Purdue University to study Mechanical Engineering and was in the Navy’s Nuclear Program as a Submarine Watch Officer. While in college he studied abroad in Ireland and Japan. He is also working to become a real estate investor.

Dairius describes that the stigma that foster youth are given is that “you’ll never be able to go to college or have a successful job” or “I wonder why your parents gave you up.” Home placement or group placement is an especially difficult process and can be a challenge not only in being the new kid at school but being the new kid in the family. At times, it can feel as if you are not good enough or loved as much as the “natural” born kids of the family.

Being in foster care helped Dairius gain a greater awareness of his emotions and thoughts. It also has made him more aware of others’ thoughts and feelings. He is sensitive to pain and trauma and is able to reciprocate those feelings from others as a result. His mind has been opened to the trials and tribulations in life and never quite knowing what other people are going through —

so let’s not judge and just be kinder and lend a listening ear!

Dairius is currently working on a project to create a Facebook community to connect current and former foster youth together, as well as charitable and advocacy groups to be able to connect and share their stories, celebrate wins and successes, and provide support. The community can help direct those in need to the right resources for financial support, scholarships, mentorships, advocacy groups, etc. The group is called Formerly Fostered Forever Loved. His goal is to get this in front of as many people as possible.

Dairius has ideas for what the general public can do to help the community, too. He says connecting to local advocacy groups, volunteering, and leveraging your skills to help the community are all assets. For example, if you are a photographer, you can help the cause to get more kids adopted by providing good photos of them as part of the adoption package.

Dairius also has something to say for those in the foster system now: “You are more than enough and you have the capability to achieve anything you want in life. Don’t be afraid to try something new and challenge yourself and don’t be afraid of failure. That just means you are on the right path and at the very least you will learn something new along your journey.”